Now I get it…

Even if someone claims to be your friend they can sexually abuse you. If you do not give someone permission to touch you–its not okay. no matter how many times you tell yourself that its okay, that you can still be friends, ITS NOT OKAY. he is not your friend if he is treating you like that. if he doesnt know how to respect you. then he is not your friend…

 

One of my best friends did this to me. He would apologize a million times the next day when i brought it up. but then it would happen again and again. and again. Today i realized. i am much better than that. i deserve to be treated like a human being, and if i dont want to be touched, then i dont want to be touched and he should have the decency to BACK OFF. I dont need his insensitivity. even if he claims not to remember doing it.

Today I asked him if he had ever asked me out. he said no. and then asked me why. I told him that i was just wondering. and its true–i was just wondering. but of course, it’s more than that. I wanted to see how much he respected me. he didnt. he just took from me. he took away my lip-ginity. I wish he had the decency to admit that he tried to ruin me. that he doesnt care. He doesnt really care that he could have ruined my life. today i considered it again. if that car would have jumped out at me, i would not have minded. I dont think that i would outright do it. Its just too blunt, even for me. but if it were an accident i wouldnt mind.

 

Every day i stare into the empty world and wonder

what if today were the end of the world?

what if it was just the end of my world?

I dreamt of V. She was kind and sweet.

I dont think she would care if she never got to say goodbye to me,

but i do care.

I want to be good enough for her to be my friend again.

not only because i want and value her friendship, but because i want to be cured.

I do not want to live with this disease that is the mental virus that i live with.

I would give anything–well almost anything–to be free.

Oslo Opera

Captivating World

Place: Opera in Oslo, Norway [norw. Operahuset]

Date: 29.01.2010

Author: Sumthae

Camera: Sony DSC-W220

About Oslo Opera:

• Oslo Opera is the biggest cultural-oriented building which was built in Norway in the last 700 years.
• Official opening ceremony was held on 12.04.2008.
• Opera building, designed by Snøhetta Architects, was awarded in 2009 prize of Mies van der Rohe, for modern architecture by European Union.

Did you see Oslo Opera? Were you in Operahuset? Share your thoughts in comments.

See also the official site of Operahuset (in English).

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You’ve Got to Get up and Try Try Try

its interesting to sit here and think that i am heart broken. really, it is my fault. i was the one who wished that he would fall for me and when he finally did, i was the one who complained. this isnt the first time and it may not be the lat time. but i am willing to try to make my life better than it was.

He told me that he loved me over and over again, and yet now where is he? he claims we are still friends but he dates this Emm girl now. I say i am okay over and over agian. and maybe i will be one day but i’m not okay now. he hurt me. he hurt me bad. she hurt me too. who asks a girl about if its okay if they date someone you are still not over??? did she really think that i would tell her that it wasnt okay? and what kind of person would i be if i said that it wasnt? I love him.

I think that I need a break from this crowd. its not cool for me to hang around a group of people who keep on hurting me. whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual, i dont need this from anyone. especially from him.

Good night, I will be taking a break from you Dee.

23.2 House near Vancouver, Canada by Omer Arbel

23.2 House near Vancouver, Canada by Omer Arbel.

My mother once …

My mother once told me not to trust the guy i was dating. i did not believe her. she was right though. she was just trying to protect me and i could not see. all he ever did was use me. he seemed caring and wonderful. but all he wanted was to take away what i had. the meaning in my life. my positions at school. i wish he would just see how much pain he has added to me. that i cannot sleep at night. that everything is not alright.

get out

Another day another problem.

bullying.

there is another form of bullying that isnt talked about much and yet it is always the source of my problems.

when your friends bully you it hurts ten times as bad.

there is a feeling of indecisiveness. should you still trust him? does he really care about you? is he making jokes or does he really think i am not worth while?

i wish it would just stop all of this noise in my head.

it needs to stop

i cant focus on my life

i wish he would just go away

stop bullying me.

dont you see the life youve taken out from inside me?

trust

it’s really amazing how you can give up so much for a person and while they complain about the little things you are doing wrong you grow to realize that they may not be worth it if they are not willing to respect your wishes in the first place. these are the people you deceive yourself into thinking are your friends. these are the people who can kill you from the inside. these are the people who leave you to rot in the dust. and these are the people who u should not trust.